I’m Scared

I’m so worried about him and I can’t believe that I got so pissed off that I called and left a message on his machine. It was probably the worst possible way to handle this crap. He’s all of a sudden decided he doesn’t think I’m pretty enough for him? Or what? I don’t understand. I felt safe and loved and now I can’t look at myself in the mirror for a full minute without turning away. I feel ugly. I feel worse than I’ve ever felt before. 

I hope he’s not off shooting up or overdosing. It scares the hell out of me to think that he broke it off so he could go overdose-thinking I wouldn’t worry about him or care whether or not he gets hurt. I’m so scared. I’m still wondering if he’s with that Michelle girl. 

If he’s with her now, I hope he’s happy. I am still praying for him to be strong and for him to die of old age and not another drug he puts in his body.

I can’t believe I trusted him to be there for me. I can’t believe I began to care so much about him.  That’s it I’m probably just going to swear off all men. No relationships for me. And it’s going to be until I can deal with this.

You know, I went out on a few dates since he “left”. And it just didn’t feel the same. Every time I went, I found myself wishing it was him and not these losers.

I’m wondering if that whole thing about him not having sex with any besides me since we met thing was even true. 

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