He saw me one last time and i should be happy, because that’s what I prayed for. Then, he talks about our future like he always seems to. After that, he deletes his Facebook. And doesn’t contact me again. It’s just rude. Don’t talk about our future together if you’re the one who’s going to disappear. It hurts a lot. Especially since I have no clue whether or not he’s going to show back up or if he’s started doing drugs again. I love him and I don’t want him to be hurt, but he can’t keep doing this.
Maybe I just shouldn’t think about him. There’s this cute guy I met the other night, named David (we’ll call him). And all I want is to get over him and be able to live a normal life again. To be able to date someone else, like David, but he just pops back into my life. I should’ve done what my mom said and just not listened to his crap on valentines day and just ignored him. I shouldn’t have even answered his call. All he wants nowadays is sex, but what about me? I thought he loved me. I just want things to go back to normal. I hate this. So many changes have happened and nothing seems normal anymore. I hate change. I HATE it. Why does everything have to change. I just want my Wednesdays with mick back and my sundays at the skatepark. And my mom to say I can stay without the threat of moving out or her kicking me out. I can’t stand this. I want the windows to go back to how they used to be. And my sister to stop yelling all the time. And the yard to have bushes again. I want my dad to do what he says he’s going to do. I hate change. I want to be able to see my dad again after all these years. But now i have a half sister and a step mom. And he has a new life. And i don’t like it. I just want it to go back to how it was. Daddy sitting on the green couch playing tickle monster with me. and gracie peeing herself when she was tickled. i want my mom to not yell about how her life was ruined by daddy. i want saturdays at grandmas house and after swimming in the pool come home and daddy makes mac and cheese. i want mick to love me like he used to. I want my world to go back to how it used to be, when i was happy and mick wasn’t there yet. so i dont have to deal with his bullshit.